Rants - the good...and the bad

Howdy buccaneers. I'm back :)

Man. It has been a looooooooong couple of weeks. How long you ask? This long:

RAWR. Thanks for the demo Gary.

I've discovered that in times of mental or emotional 'duress' (for lack of a better word at the mo) I have absolutely no desire to blog. "Why" I hear you ask? "Surely, a problem shared is a problem halved Bruce?" Somewhat true folks. In my experience though, (in certain instances) as good as the intentions of all parties' are, the 'sharing' bit can also perpetuate and give 'legs' to a problem. And then, before you can say any monosyllabic F-words, there's that mountain again - amazing how they spring up from such tiny mole hills!

"Om, nom, nom!"
I just love this absurd little picture!

When TGA and I first put our heads together and came up with the whole blog idea/adventure, one of our absolute non-negotiables was to make this little corner of cyberspace a positive, warm and happy little rant cubby house.

And yes, for those of you who are new to the Joys of Rant, before you ask, Good Rants do exist. These are the type that spurt (or spout) forth uncontrollably because you've encountered either:

a) Supreme awesomeness somewhere out there in the world (e.g. good service in a bank or government department - rare but it does happen!)...or,

b) The complete opposite (e.g. seeing that numpty Tony Abbott in budgie smugglers. 'Nuff said. Not awesome. Also, the inane uselessness of every single Kardashian. WTF are they about?! Again, not awesome but definitely a Good Rant situation)...

...and you just HAVE to share that moment/thought with somebody!
Note: catharsis + coffee + friend-with-ears = Good Rant to the power of double rainbows squared (...or something to that effect).

...Then there are the Bad Rants. These are typically mood deflating, energy-zapping, vampiric-on-my-good-nature type rants.

Examples?

Hmmm, a couple of front-of-mind pearlers just jumped up and screeched "pick me, pick me!"...however will refrain as don't want to indulge them or my Bad Rant-y tendencies. Again, I say, it's been a loooooong couple of weeks folks...

I'll say this much though, you'll recognise a Bad Rant by the way it makes your insides feel. Yes, I'm talking physically. You might experience any or all of these common symptoms:

• A churn-sy tummy
• You feel a bit 'dirty' for airing your grievances
• Guilt for dominating conversation with all and sundry about such an inane topic. You've morphed into the dreaded Monologuer(*shudder*)
• Deep in your heart you know you're being petty or unnecessarily bitchy
• Self loathing due to all of the above
• You rant, you rave and you curse and you still don't feel anywhere close to finishing (the verbal equivalent of Wonka's gobstoppers)...

In the wise sing-song la-la-la-ing of Lambchop:

The feelings discussed above can occur at any time once you find yourself orbitting around a Bad Rant. This can be whilst contemplating the rant, mid rant or in the quiet space after the rant has been aired. Admittedly, hard to recognise before it gets an airing but your gut will tell you it's in motion...the tricky part is stopping. That Bad Rant gravitational pull is quite seductive...like coffee, hard to stop once you have one. It's taken me nigh on 2 weeks to stop this recent dip...sort of...still a work in progress...! (c'mon Belinda Carlisle! Find me my happy pants! Heaven IS a place on earth! Leave a light on for happy me dammit!)

So in short, Bad Rants are banned here in the SOGS space :)

...funny, now I seem to be ranting about ranting. *sigh*. Did I mention it's been a long couple of weeks??!! haha!

Despite subtley making fun of TGA's grumpy funk a few weeks ago (mmm, yum! Humble pie!), I do admit I have found her idea of a pictorial collection of happy moments a great way of slowly lifting myself out of my own Trough of Blerh.

Behold! Here are my recent "calm blue ocean, woooosssahhhhh...." moments :)

Enjoy - thanks for dropping by!

Pearl Cafe (yes, we went back!). Goan spicey avo and mozzarella salad on toast.
Chilli and lime juice filled in the gaps - great way to start a gray morning!

Breakfast pizza. What more is there to say really?

Puppy and Little Poppet. Chaos and mayhem separated by a mere pane of glass.
Doesn't however stop the noise...

In times of need I turn to Sister Maria. One of a few of my favourite things.

Breakfast tarts! Homemade by TGA...
I suspect she tried to make them a bit healthy by chucking some peas in...we weren't fooled...

Have a great week everyone :)
x B

Moments of Happy

TGA was in an utterly FOUL mood for most of Thursday, Friday...this then flowed into the weekend (and not the fun bird kind either...tee hee...fowl..get it? Punny!).

From a safe distance it was suggested that maybe as a distraction from the endless ranting, perhaps she should go off and organise and/or sort something. Please. Anything. Does anything need cleaning? Surely some surface needs a good Jiff-ing?...

A quick scowl, final stomp of the foot...but off she beetled.

Quiet ensued.

The tumbleweeds peeked out from their hidey holes.

Now, the abode is fairly spotless at the moment (surprise) so both TB and I were quite curious to see how TGA's distraction would manifest...

Lo and behold, we found her squirreled away in front of the pooter having set herself the monstrous mission of categorising our burgeoning folders of digital photos. In the 'too-hard' basket for the rest of the household (and mankind me thinks), nothing works better than a seemingly impossible project which includes sorting, editing and putting things into chronological order (or alphabetical) to distract that one.

And so, a lot of mouse clicking and tap-tap-tappity-tapping of the keyboard later, she's simultaneously organised our photo-life as well as picture-fied herself out of her dark mind clouds.

So, for all ye non-believers - fact in action here - the perenially perky do have their grumpy pants days (and boy, do they fall way harder into scowly funks than the rest of the consistently and mildly-disgruntled population!). Keep this in your pocket for those days when you feel like utter shizer: take piccies of those little moments of joy, wonder and contentment in your life. It truly is the small things. Days like these - they have the power to keep the roof from caving in (literally and figuratively!).

I hope you enjoy TGA's random selection of recent happy accidents, victory-arms moments and internal smiles x B

Get Whale Soon...

Well hello there and happy first day of the 2nd half of the year. 2011 - flying fast!

My apologies for the cyber silence this week but I was off feeling terribly sorry for myself and was suffering from the dreaded Whale Flu (or, as TGA likes to scoff, an eye-roll worthy whale-like version of the cursed 'Man Flu'). She has no heart that one.

Ok, so yes, there may have been a bit of wailing and the occasional pectoral fin to the forehead. There may also been Oscar-worthy coughing/dying scenes renacted every hour...on the hour...

Was it life-threatening? Possibly. I sure as heck felt like death. AND, why would I try to feel better when I surely do not? As the Dalai Lama would say - "where's the mindfulness in that foooool?" (am adlibbing...and perhaps I've also morphed him with Mr T...c'mon, back me up here Your Holiness!). Go with the flow I say...and the flow this week wanted to build a fort and get waited on flipper and fin. Weehee! Forts!

Sadly, ours did not look anywhere near as hip as any of these ones (http://bit.ly/sH16m)... in fact, it was literally the duvet over TGA's knees and both of us cowering from the Melbourne chill within the confines of, oh, maybe a pocket of air about 40cm x 40cm x 40cm. The warm serenity lasted about 5 minutes until the wee poppet started started doing the whole claustrophic thing...and so, in a thrashing/flurry of pillows, sheets and demolished "fort", she made a frenzied beeline for fresh air (because, obviously we were at risk of suffocating...hmmm, not). I swear, there is a whole different world going on in her head. And, might I add, there was little-to-no waiting on flipper and fin either. Hmph.

Illness, moaning and short-lived fort attempts aside, it has been a relatively quiet week in the eating stakes photo-wise. That does not however mean that I did not partake in glorious feeds. Quite the contrary - TGA was just slack with the whole documenting of nosh. So, establishments and gastronomic highlights of this week include:

Mr Wolf
The spicy pork, tomato, mozzarella, sausage, pickled peppers, pancetta, fennel pizza. What's not to love??! Pizza-ry bliss. An eyes-closed dining moment.

Apparently, they also love kids at Mr Wolf so from 5-6pm it is kid-dining ANARCHY. They also provide colouring-in sheets and those chunky crayons for the little ones. Good on Karen Martini for creating such a hip, family friendly zone. As part of Little Poppet (LP) birthday festivities, this is where we found ourselves one night last weekend. Thank goodness birthdays are only once a year. Imagine Apocalypse-like mayhem. Now times that to the power of whatever the largest number EVER is. Infinity? Good enough.

I was clogged up with whale-flu phlegm so hardly heard a thing. TGA however said her ears were ringing from the noise even 2 days later. TGA and Tall Boy also managed to make a bottle of shiraz disappear in less time than you can colour in a giant frog too...

Pearl Cafe
A gorgeous sunny Melbourne day. A slow saunter down Church Street. A going-away lunch for one of TGA's work mates. Doesn't need an occasion though - will definitely be going back so piccies at some stage!

Highlight: warm,buttered, freshly baked baguette with proscuitto wrapped duck and pistachio terrine (it was Love with a capital 'L'), balsamic onion relish and red oak lettuce. Holy heck yes. Damn, I wish that girl had taken a piccie of this one. Soooooo good.

Honourable mention: the Breakfast Pizza. 2 of my favourite words mashed together. Love it. Oozy free-range eggs, crispy bacon, fresh basil and pesto with parmesan shavings. Epic food envy (someone else ordered it and I was being polite so did not get to taste).

Next time Gadget!

The Branch
Dark, candle-lit and cheap! Friends of TGA staying (yes, more visitors!) so off we toodled for another meal external to the abode.

Highlight: $15 lamb shanks (yes, plural! Will wonders never cease?!). Cooked PERFECTLY and the baa-like meat fell of the bone ever so lazily into the pool of viscous gravy below. The perfect side? Mash of course. The motley crew ordered 2 servings of shanks but the kitchen only had the 1 serve of mash left. What to do?! Side of chips of course :) In the wise words of Pac-man:

Teehee - "in my words" on the right :)

No politeness here either - got to be quick with this mob - got a good couple of whale-sized gob-fulls down before TB hoovered the lot. I wasn't the only whale to leave the bar that night. Quite a few rotund bellies waddling out of there.

Confession time
(no, not a bar - an actual confession):
I did get a little bit spoilt once this week (*sheepish*..."thanks TGA"). Whilst in the throes of a cold & flu medicated haze (thank you Lemsip - so lemon, comforty good - how could an addiction to you possibly be bad?!) combined with the post-traumatic "gaaahh, OMG - what was that?!!" of having a high octane 7 year old in the house, I gave an almighty stomp of the tail and demanded KFC. Yes. You heard me. KFC.

And you know, it was sooooo good. I believe TGA and TB call it "bad good". Hot & spicy to be sure. A rarity out East apparently.
"Back for a limited time only!"(so says the man on the idiot box...Oh no! Quick! To the drive-thru! Stat!). Strike while the fryer's hot and the "man-flu" allows me tantrum rights I suppose :)

So yeah, that was my hide-in-a-closet meal this week. And yes, I did feel a tiny bit dirty (and mildly queasy) afterwards...

Phew. Glad I got that food slumming confession off my chest. And you know, perhaps there's something to be said for a grease dose. Maybe it can cure what ails you (e.g. think of post booze kebabs / pizza / Maccas / non descript servo food etc) as am feeling a gajillion times better since the KFC accident. (not HEAPS better - *cough, splutter*...am sure I could stretch the whale-flu out a couple more days...)

Anyhoo, thanks again for dropping in :)

AND! Hooray it's Friday!
Have a great weekend everyone!
Eat well!

x B

What's a Bieber?

Question here for you my lovely readers:  

What music do 7 year olds listen to these days?? 

Reason for my question. There is a special Little Poppet (LP) turning 7 this weekend and I thought I'd compile a wee CD for the aspiring Rachel Berry:

• Theatrical personality, attitude and penchant for stars - check. 
• A liking for putting together "productions" and dance numbers for herself and her brothers to perform for captive adult family members - check.  

Glee - you have a lot to answer for.

So, having dived in and sifted through the detritus that is current top 40 "pop", I now come up to the surface for air thoroughly disheartened and truth be told, a wee bit sad. Pine-age for the 'good ol' days' has well and truly set in (mind you, am certain too that the early to mid 80's and early 90's are slightly skewed through my rose-tinted, whale sized glasses). From what I've seen thus far as TGA and I trawl through what's currently on offer via various top 40 charts - it's enough to make one beach one's self. 

Yes, the songs are catchy - I'll give them that. However, here is where an old-fashioned whale like me starts to get a bit ranty and slightly bewildered:

• What is with all the half-naked, gyrating, Lolita-esque "look-at-me-ism" going on? Is there a fully dressed female 'singer' out there anywhere at the moment? AND, why do you all dance like you're rubbing oil onto yourselves? *confused*

• Why are 50's bathing suits now being passed off as evening wear? Yes, Katy Perry, I'm talking to you. I would also like to know if you get dressed in the dark. Surely not - as I'm sure you have enough money to buy many lights and mirrors for your enough-rooms-to-house-Africa palace.
• Why oh why, is someone called a "Miley" allowed to sing? Is she a new kind of superhero? Goody-goody-gumdrops Hannah Montana by day; Super Mooxie by night? How do you summon her? Is there a Mooxie light that the townspeople can shine into the sky to beckon her?
• I have also found the source of the leggings-as-pants movement. Nicole Scherz-whatever-your-name-is...I'm coming for you.

The leggings are only the beginning of her problems.

• Why is choosing a front seat over a back seat on a Friday so important? Yes, Rebecca Black, your song, lack of appreciation for rhyme/rhythm/melody and grating voice drives this whale to drink. Heavily.
• What the hell is a Bieber? Animal, vegetable, mineral? 

Those and many other random questions are bouncing around in my sleep deprived brain at the moment but alas, I may never find the answers to them all. I'm sure though that these sphinx-quality, mysteries-of-the-current-age are NOT the cause of my current insomnia.

So, back to the task at hand. Sifting through TGA's collection of CDs (legit and "legit-Asian-versions"...) this is the list we've come up with. Kinda going for a happy/fun/dance-like-a-dag, G-rated vibe here. No Gaga. No Jonas Brothers (cringe). Thoughts? Culls?

1. Into the Groove - Madonna
2. Express Yourself - Madonna
3. Locomotion - Kylie Minogue
4. Stronger - Britney Spears
5. Mamma Mia - from the Mamma Mia soundtrack
6. Yellow Submarine - The Beatles
7. Octopus' Garden - The Beatles
8. All You Need is Love - The Beatles
9. Sing It Back - Moloko
10. Young Hearts Run Free - Kym Mazelle
11. Ray of Light - Madonna
12. Nothing Really Matters - Madonna
13. Heaven is a Place on Earth - Belinda Carlisle 
14. Jolene - Dolly Parton.
15. Top of the World - The Carpenters
16. Ooby Dooby - Creedence Clearwater Revival 
17. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
18. Don't Stop - Fleetwood Mac
19. Material Girl - Madonna
20. Beautiful - Cristina Aguilera, but we've opted for the Glee version
21. Dancing Queen - from the Mamma Mia soundtrack
22. We Will Rock You - Queen
23. Dressed For Success - Roxette
24. Good Dancers - The Sleepy Jackson
25. Baby I Don't Care - Transvision Vamp
26. Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
27. Walk Like An Egyptian - The Bangles

Too much? Maybe a double CD compilation perhaps...?

Oooh - you will also see that there is now a email-y subscribe-y option up over on the right of the blog! Yes, whales can fit into your inbox! Don't miss a single rant :)

Enjoy the weekend wherever you are! 
Suggestions for the Little Poppet mixed CD more than welcome!

Be good!
x Bruce

A Clean Abode and a possible New Abode...

As the temperature drops in Melbourne, I find myself reminiscing and thinking of home. The chilly waters of the Antarctic, just me and the boys dossing about - magical days. Long dives, dark waters and echo-y bliss. As zen as a whale can get I reckon. Mind you, not much to eat down there but those damned giant squid (if I had hands I'd shake my fist at you all!) and those freaky looking fish with the lights on their heads (u.g.l.y - definitely no alibis and certainly no friends either - they can be complete dicks). 

A pain in the arse and chewy as all buggery. AND they scratch you! So rude.

Gaaaaaaahh! 
The fish equivalent of "that kid" in the play ground who then turns into "that guy" at work later on in life...

Ahhh, the days when food was a struggle. *sigh*

Fast forward to life here and well, one doesn't have to swim far or put up much of a fight to fill the gap within. Happily, the little Asian that I live with had a friend staying over just recently. Loosely translated into both human and whale-speak this means "weee-heeee *squeal*, let's go eat out!" Note: the squealing bit was all TGA.

A quick observation too while I'm here. What is with the frenzied cleaning that goes on before you humans have a non-permanent-inhabitant-of your-abode coming to stay??! Though I am aware that TGA has a strange affinity-bordering-on-addiction for disinfectant and cleanliness (darling girl, you are not going achieve godliness in this lifetime) even this recent display was slightly unhinged - yes, even for her. Think frazzled hair, wild eyes and a striking resemblance to Lady Macbeth and her 'out damned spot' mumblings... 

Modus Operandi for TGA Cyclone of Cleaning:

• 2 parts Tassie Devil (a la Looney Tunes)
• 3 parts Spray & Wipe cleaning woman
• 1 part temper tantrum at all who walk on newly vacuumed carpet or dare shed any skin/fur for the following 24 hours post-cleaning 

The Unholy Trinity

For flavouring, add a sprinkling of wide-eyed zeal...that was a fun afternoon for Tall Boy (TB) and Melancholy Paws-sonified (the saddest dog known to mankind - aka 'MP')...

For me, highly amusing viewing watching TGA's whole "ARGH!! We can't let people know that we're content to live in squalor! Quick - hand me the bleach! Ergh! What is this??!!" cleaning whirlwind. Similarly amusing is watching TB's resigned face take in the madness - a face of one who's seen it so many times before and still knows not what to do about it. Perhaps it's TGA's own special way of expressing excitement at seeing a play friend?...maybe? What a manifestation though - pheeeeew. 

Q: Do you all do the mad cleaning thing pre- visitors? 

Anyway, we're on the return trip from my tangent now...and so, Beautiful A did finally blow in from the West and descended upon the sparkling, dust/hair/fur/dirt free house and what a marvellous visit it was :)

An afternoon of bubbles, oozy cheeses, stinky cheeses and chit chat punctuated by high pitched giggles and the ubiquitous expletive (you know, girls swear SOOOOOO much more than boys. Enough to make a whale blush even - and I've heard a lot of dirty sailor swearing) ensues followed quite swiftly by a tram ride to Franco Choo's (hooray - I LOVE trams!) 

Now, this isn't me but I just love this picture.

Franco Choo's, Franco Choo's...how I want to move into Franco Choo's (no offence TGA). Tucked off to the side of the main drag of Prahran, this quaint, pocket-sized bistro has squirreled a path right to the centre of my whale-sized heart. And so, the start of a potentially expensive (thanks TGA!) and long love affair looks a little like this:

Cute, cute and more cute! If whales hibernated, this is where you'd find me...warms my little heart :)

Sounds soooo naff, but these were baby carrots to click home about. I know! Carrots! What the?! Strange but true - this was THE dish of the night.

Pumpkin risoni pasta with mustard fruit (yum!) and crushed amaretti. Salty, sweet, creamy - comfort food of the highest order. AND, if you closed your eyes and tried with all your might, you could probably mentally transport yourself to a wee, hill-top Italian town trattoria.

The seagull's eye view. Oh, my kingdom for smell-a-vision...

The glutton's eye view. Braised free-range chicken leg, leek, potatoes, pistachio, lemon and parsley sauce. The girls had 2 entrees; TB said he could easily have done 2 of these. This was a MASSIVE main but I'd whole-heartedly agree with him here. Mmm...so much chicken...

Rosemary crepes, chestnut chocolate cream, saffron pears and mascarpone. Pleasingly not as sweet as it sounds - if possible, a savoury dessert. With so many big teeth you'd think I'd have at least a sweet tooth or two. Not the case but I have to say, this was water spoutingly grand!

Now this. Pheeeeeeew! Panna cotta normally gives me the 'irts' with all of its wibbly wobbliness (not a jelly, not a mousse or pudding - what the f*ck are you??!! You annoy me that's what.) but ahoy me hearties, Ahab's leg has nothing on this.

So to sum up as I've wailed on a bit now:

Food: as you can see above, just splendificent and bordering on Disney magical. TGA was planning and scheming the next visit before we had even set foot outside to leave the bistro. I think she may have mentally moved in. 

Drink: the humans had wine. 2007 Mount Charlie Tempranillo in fact. And, judging from the speed at which the first bottle evaporated and a second bottle miraculously appeared within minutes (see? Disney magic I swear!), I'd say it was a bit o' alright. 

Service: easy, breezy, knowledgable and efficient. Friendly too god forbid (yes, I'm talking to all of you hipster doofus, too-cool-for-school cafes running amok out there). Very inviting space and welcoming, convivial ambience - felt like we were dining at a friend's house(...and didn't have to wash up or help serve drinks...or keep the wayward aunty in line as she's had a few too many sherries...). Just lovely :) 

Loos: I used the plural here but in reality - just the one toilet. But, as TGA pointed out to me whilst on her toilets re-con (yes, she actually calls them that), points for having not ONLY anti-bacterial soap (me thinks that girl really does need her head read) but having fancy, lily-of-the-valley scented anti-bacterial liquid soap. Again, the peculiarities of the small Grazing Asian person baffles me. A consult from Rainman might be handy here...

A return trip is definitely on the cards! And so ends this treat-of-a-visit from Beautiful A and the culinary skip-to-my-Choo's with my darlings.

Good night everyone - hope you've all been eating well - it is stew weather dont'cha know!

The Benefits of Yoga

For a whale, the whole yoga thing can be a bit tricky. Take a moment here to picture it.

Yeah, see? Awkward. But points for trying my brother. 

Agreed. Those balancing postures are a bitch.

But yoga indeed I did. You see, The Grazing Asian (TGA) has this persistent hair brained scheme to inflict the downward dog movement upon her work colleagues and so, being the loyal whale companion that I am, one goes along to enable her delusion. Yes my darling girl, yoga has changed your life but I'm not too sure your work mates are of the same belief. God love her though - she does try. All whirlwind, persistence and irrational perkiness that one (when will it end? Nobody knows).

Anyway, the benefits of yoga that I've discovered, as I'm sure you're all well aware, are plentiful and wide-ranging. Examples generally spouted include: 

• Improved posture
• General good health
• Increased flexibility (TGA can reach the top kitchen shelf at home with her left foot. Great party trick or just kinda weird, don't know. Jury's still out.)
• Improved mental focus
• The ability to consistently bore others around you with the whole "I feel sooooo amazing and in tune with myself" line
• Sudden urges to eat lentils. What's with that?

However, it turns out my favourite benefit of yoga is the inevitable outing to an eatery afterwards to reward all the hard-out stretching and breathing that one has just completed. Humans. Rewarding themselves for breathing. What next?

Aums (or 'Oms') and Namastes cast aside for the week, we two beetled into the bone chilly Melbourne night (sans lycra I might add - I made her get changed. One does not 'legging it' and potentially camel toe in Melbourne CBD - whether you're Asian or not)and came to beach ourselves at a rather random spozzie called The Long Room.

With the powers vested in him and his little phone/mobile thingy that does a gazillion things, TGA's much funner half - Tall Boy (TB)- randomly chose this little den of delights. 

From the outset, any place that you could walk past a million times and not know it was there but then when you actually do find it, entices you in with a red carpetted descent into a dimly lit and yummy smelling space gets all my whale-y senses tingling!

Apologies too - we only had a camera phone at our disposal this night so slightly crappy photos ahead. AND, go figure, The Long Room, is actually a really long room :)

Before I go any further, I'd like to point out that this is NOT a food blog. My whaley aversion to blogosphere wankerism prefers, hmmm...perhaps, "Adventure Chronicles" - probably more apt :)

I also don't profess to know all and everything about every single frickin' celebrity chef skulking the laneways of Melbourne, nor will I spend paragraph upon paragraph waxing lyrical about nigella seeds or verjuice (will leave that to the awes-mazing Maggie Beer). Others do it better than moi - I just like to eat and have handy ol' TGA take piccies along the way. 

So, minor wail aside (get it?! so punny!), let's get a wriggle on. As always and true to TGA form, the evening of grazing begins with a couple of G&Ts. So small in stature yet polishes off a couple in quick sucession. That yoga really must take it out of the wee poppet...

Believe it or not, I never used to drink - they're a bad influence on me these landlubbers...ooh ooh too! New favourite gin - Martin Miller's - if you haven't already - do it :)

Not renowned for being a seafood fiend, all were pleasantly surprised by TB's stellar soft-shelled crab pick.

Ahhhh arancini - how I love thee. Cheeky golden brown balls of rice-y, fior di latte-y, eyes-rolling-into-the-back-of- your-head yumminess. Imagine having a bowl of these at the movies! If I was a squid, I would have just inked myself at the thought.

Am a total geezer for gyoza. Any time, any place, no matter how bad - I'll still scarf them down. Sad but true. Luckily, these little beauties were bang-on, deeply savoury, goodly goodness. 

Japanese crispy chicken with 7 spices. A gastronomical world away from the Colonel's 11 herbs and spices and thankfully, so much tastier! Surprise hits of ginger to reach deep down and warm the soul and fins.

Teehee. Awkward and kinda wrong? Perhaps...but such tasty wrong! Better them and not me I'm thinking...

I know, I know. Now I'm just gloating.

I have to say, the dud dessert of the night. Small, pastry was rock hard, and tragically, that is how the icecream blob arrived at our table. Sad huh? Lemon curd was at eye squinty levels though (that's a good thing).

Almond and custard filo pastry. SORRY!! Horrendous piccie (can't get good help these days) but a solid sweet. Unexpectedly grand - flaky, warm, rich, custard-y AND topped with ice cream. What's not to love? Joy on a plate.

Moi again! In case you hadn't realised by now, I am a TOTAL attention vortex.

Jury's still out on this one. Korean doughnuts in maple syrup...'WTF' I hear you cry. Exactly. Truth be told, kinda glue-y and heavy. Points though for the massive serving. It does look pretty in a deep fried petanque boule kinda way I suppose...

The Long Room:

• Food - would I click home about it? Probably not but it was pretty good. Serving sizes were very generous. Savouries were worth the outing. Desserts could do with a bit of fine-tuning.
• Booze - GREAT selection of everything. $10 cocktails on a Thursday night. TGA didn't indulge this night (highly uncharacteristic) but the seed has been planted in that wee head of hers...
• Service - our waitress was Fabulous with a capital 'F'. Sorry we didn't catch your name (and you clocked off before we left) but you had our hearts when you cracked an Asian joke. And yes, she was Asian (I hear those 'tut tuts'). Think it may have been love from TGA's seat.
• Toilets - thumbs down. I may be a whale and one might think I'm not choosy about where I 'go' but I do have standards. Looked like night club loos and in desperate need of a Jamie Durie-esque overhaul and well, a general wipedown would be nice. Gross. And that was the ladies (I have no choice alright? I go where TGA goes).

And finally, general thoughts, ideas, aspirations, rants...:

1. Stretching it out afterwards is for nerds. A "strenuous" yoga session is best offset by lots of good company, good gin, rambling conversation (often the result of the 'good gin'), and a seemingly never-ending parade of share plates. Communal slash pick/mix dining is the shizz folks.
2. The Long Room is located NOT near the Parliament end of the CBD (yes, TB, I'm talking to you). However, it does make for an 'energising' walk should you find yourselves led astray and parking in that vicinity on a frigid Melbourne evening (again, yes, am looking at you TB).
3. Leggings as pants are a NO-NO. I cannot say this enough. Excusable if you're out running or scarpering from the gym to your car but those are the only exceptions.

Happy Sunday everyone and in my next installment, the gang plus a Westie visitor (hello 'Beautiful A'!) squirrel off to the Franco Choo's. 

A heads up? It was Ahhhhh-MAZING!